Ben Collins Digital Ben Collins Digital Icon

Watermelons Face Discriminatory Practices. Do Watermelons Have Rights?

Ah, the sad plight of the watermelon. Time and time again placed nakedly on some pedestal and then brutally murdered.

Usually there are cameras.

What did the watermelon do to us? Do we harbor some deep seated loathing of our watermelons?

I mean, have you ever dropped a watermelon from the 6th floor of your dorm to the unsuspecting horror and shrieking of those below? Who would do such things?

Hapless "largest vegetable," the likes of which we have been chucking at one another for aeons.

The next time you are at the grocery store and you see the big shiny watermelons, think of them as not just a rare picnic treat, but as an excellent splattery projectile or target of your violent attack.

More in Culture